A recent SBS tv programme involved four Christians, one Jew and one Atheist (Richard Dawkins) answering questions.
Thu, 18. March 2010
Christianity For Dummies
During the debate, Dawkins politely and very concisely summarised the principal tenet of the New Testament as 'God coming down to Earth to get himself brutally executed to save the whole world from sin'. A fair summary indeed. Two of the panelists, one a Federal Minister and the other a Deputy Leader of the Opposition, who had both looked embarrassed about publicly discussing their religion, found themselves lost for words at this honest summary and adopted the standard Christian tactic of accusing Dawkins of disrespect for their beliefs. (That's what Christians do when confronted with a stark, concise and accurate assessment of their own beliefs).
So, let's politely provide a stark, concise summary of some of the various Christian teachings:
1. The God Hypothesis:
a) God dwells up in the sky in Heaven, flanked on either side by himself and has literally unlimited magical powers to do anything that suits his 'purpose'. He has always been there and will be there for evermore. He is a spirit but he looks like a bearded, white-skinned male human and consists of a trinity of beings that are actually one. About 6000 years ago Almighty God created the entire cosmos in six days, then got tired and needed to rest.
2. The Jesus Hypothesis:
God fornicated with a woman 2000 years ago, to father himself as a human. The woman then became his mother and - because the prophets said he would be called Emmanuel - she called him Jesus. For a while, Jesus performed a few magic tricks. He then allowed himself to be brutally tortured and killed before coming back to life and rising bodily into the sky. He did all this to save the world from his own vengeance. Every Sunday, wine and wafers are consumed in churches around the world by adherants who believe they are really eating the 2000 year old body of Jesus and drinking his actual blood. Belief in Jesus means you are a good person and is the only way of being a good person.
3. The Prayer Hypothesis:
God has phenomenal mind processing capacity and physical powers that tunes in to the thoughts and utterances of over 6.8 billion human beings, simultaneously, in at least 503 world languages, non-stop, forever.He also responds to prayers by miraculous direct intervention or by deploying an intermediary such as an angel, a saint or some other dead person.
4. The Post-mortem Survival Hypothesis:
After you are dead, if you were good your 'soul' will go to Paradise and meet God and your dead Mum & Dad. Your body, including your brain, will be left behind. To qualify for entry into Heaven, you have to believe in Jesus the moment before you die. You will live there for all eternity. Our loving God will commit all unbelievers to endure excrutiating post-mortem pain for all eternity.
5. The Holy Bible Hypothesis:
The bible was written by God with the possible assistance of men. It is holy and indisputable but it's contents may be selectively cherry-picked and all the gory, mythical, impossible and unbelievably silly bits can be left out, in order to promote God as fair and loving. Quoting from a bible or waving it at someone is indisputable evidence that you are a good person and oathing on a bible is indisputable evidence that you are not lying.
6. The Church Hypothesis:
You must go to church every week. You must praise the Lord. You must pray for forgiveness. You must hand over your money. You must listen silently to what a man dressed in a frock tells you. You must not ask awkward questions.
7. The Faith Hypothesis:
Everyone needs to keep quiet about God being the biggest mass murderer in history of the planet, because God really loves us. You must believe, without question, that everything you are told by clergymen is factual. Evidence is not necessary. When new scientific facts contradict your religious faith, you must deny the facts. God will guide you - or an angel will - or a dead saint.
POSTSCRIPT
No doubt by encapsulating a fair summary of the Christian creed as short hypotheses, I too will be accused of lacking respect but this is what you believe in folks. You have to admit it sounds weird, wacky and scary. The hypotheses are truly astonishing. Without any evidence, they are unbelievable. There is no shred of substance behind any of them and any enquiring mind has to ask why millions of people can believe such fabricated baloney without questioning it. Oh, there goes that lack of respect again.